Journaling

Journal pages, journal pages, time to get your journal pages, time to get your crayons and your pencils...(sang to this tune)



Journaling has become one of my favorite things to do after meditation.The images and words that I gently push to the side during my 'sit' I gather together in my journal through paint, ink, crayon, and pencil. How awesome would it be if they collectively explain all of my subconscious secrets when spread out and read?!? Spending just 15 minutes a day in your journal will give you a deeper understanding of the real you...

Don't you owe yourself a little love and understanding?

How I Settled Into My Skin

I'll be 37 this month and I'm really just settling into me.

I just wish that I worried more about who I was than what I was or what I could do to make others know me in my twenties and teens.

I was sexually abused from a young age, and then I allowed abuse through my teen years- giving of myself and being used up and tossed to the side for attention. Once I got to my twenties I was hard and cold...even after I had my son at 20~ I was un-affectionate and hard to read. My first husband and I split up at the age of 21, and I dated unsuccessfully for three years...cheating or being cheated on, falling for people who I knew were not for me, just because of the crowd I'd keep. During all of this time- I never accepted how unhappy I was, never was willing to accept the fact that I was being untrue, and down right mean to myself. My husband and I got back together when i was 24 and I was happy...in love...ME! For a bit...we got pregnant with our daughter and she was born in '01- I had someone who loved me truly, I loved them truly and we were honestly happy. Then he died. Two months after my baby was born, he had a work accident and died suddenly, during the day. I was devastated. Ruined. LOST.

FF through the doom and gloom to my husband of 8 years. Honest, soulful, beautiful. He was younger than me and accepting of a widow with two young children. Now~ I'm not painting this into a floral and rosy picture of joy...we've had our ups and downs...and for the most part the downs have been something I brought on...I never allowed my self to grieve- Grieve my childhood, my teen years, my first Husband...my innocence.

2005- I began to create...art, yarn, food, clothing.

 I had forgotten how much I loved to make things with my hands. I never took art, well not since the 7th grade. When I was little I would cut up paper and create elaborate structures, sometimes taller than me...I would get lost in a book and then spend the rest of the day recreating the story through my drawings. As a teen, I would cut out pictures of others and glue them in a sketchbook, writing through my anger and changing the images to suit my mood...never quite breaking through but always feeling a bit better afterwards.

So when I remembered my hands could be used to create joy, not just shield pain...I used them constantly. I painted, cooked, spun yarn, sewed. CREATED! Every new thing or task that I accomplished gave me a little bit more of my soul back. I became whole! A solid girl who was not afraid to be real, blunt and honest.

TRUE.

My family has always supported me, even when they didn't know what was wrong with me other than I was cold and angry and bitter. And my wonderful husband had my back and helped me in every way he could, as well as giving me TWO MORE (!) beautiful children.

Now- I'm happy, mostly, and when things set me back I get over them, knowing that everything will be better. I now have faith...in me and the world, in man-kind.

Now I create daily

I journal- writing and doodling my emotions all over pages in my books, working through my emotions without wearing them on my sleeve before they've been examined.

I meditate- Listening to me, getting deeper and deeper into my soul, sometimes I'm so deep I'm not in my body, just fully encased in my soul- able to understand what is before me.

I paint-Creating colorful shapes that may make no sense to others but to me they tell an intimate story of my past present and future...creation has become my art. Not the finished product.

I move- Everyday...Yoga has tethered me more solidly into my physical body and allowed me to feel at home in it. I no longer feel trapped in a place that I'm uncomfortable, don't like and am scared of.

I love- I allow myself to feel without the fear of being betrayed, hurt. I can control what affects me. Without feeling separated from myself, I feel whole. My family, children, husband, friends encase me in love and warmth and safety, and I am not afraid to return that love...I give freely of my emotions and except the world around me.

This is what I do and did to become me...I didn't start this page this way, trying to give my story, but I felt moved to be real and true. I have learned a lot in 36 years and I would not change a thing...I get to be me fully and make no excuses for it. I own my soul -LOVE,  ART and CREATIVITY have helped me see that. And now I know that my reason for being here is to help others who are hurting, or don't understand themselves fully, or are just stuck a bit- how to be TRUE. I teach truth and love through creativity and meditation and journaling. And I want to help everyone I can.

I hope that my story opened me up a bit for you...I honestly believe creativity can help you transform your life mentally and physically. And I want to help you...please email me at happysappytrees@gmail.com and I promise to try and help you with prompts and love. The classes I am creating will help us dig deeper into our souls and teach us that TRUTH is the way.

thank you for giving me a little of your time today...

Love,

Anastasia

Goddessing

Spurred by centuries of male dominated organized religion (or a supreme deity referred to by masculine pronouns i.e. "he"), some women embraced the idea of a female deity that was more in keeping with feminist beliefs and the inherent value of women. A unifying theme of the movement was that the gender of deity characterizes the political gender-bias of the religion, so a Goddess Worshipping religion is held to be matriarchal and a "God" worshipping religion is held to be patriarchal.

Goddess beliefs can take many forms; some people in the Goddess movement recognize multiple goddesses. Some also include gods. While others honor what they refer to as "the Goddess", which is not necessarily seen as monotheistic, but is often understood to be an inclusive, encompassing term incorporating many goddesses in many different cultures. The term "the Goddess" may also be understood to include a multiplicity of ways to view deity personified as female, or as a metaphor, or as a process.

• Goddesses refers to a local or specific deities linked clearly to a particular culture and often to particular aspects, attributes and powers.

One can regard a goddess (in this sense) as an aspect of the Great Goddess as well as a specific goddess with a particular role within a pantheon.

• The Goddess or the Great Goddess is a female deity that is regarded as primary. When Goddess is spoken of as a personal guardian, as in 'my Goddess' it usually means 'my worldview in Goddess spirituality.'

• Goddess Spirituality is sometimes used as a synonym for Goddess Movement and sometimes as the spiritual practice that is part of the Goddess movement.

• Goddessing means Goddess culture, Goddess way of life, Goddess practice, or 'my goddessing' as in my individual interpretation and experience of Goddess.

(Found on Wikipedia)

My love of women has only within the past 10 years been renewed. I was always the girl with all the guy friends because other girls were too bitchy or high maintenance. I considered myself a feminist and wanted nothing to do with ladies in lipstick or fancies and frills. And then it hit me- Feminine is the Meaning of Feminism- you can't have one with out the other. It's not degrading in any way to love to cook, or knit, or breed, or mother, or be pretty. And why dislike other women? They are just as unsure or insecure as I am. I don't do anything in this life to please anyone else but myself. And the thing that pleases me most is to help others find the magic within themselves. And help them bring it out into the open. I want to be TRUE and I want others to find their truth too. 

I AM A GODDESS~ AND SO ARE YOU!

This does not mean that you are going against you're religion, or that you feel like you're better than others. Or even that you are more 'enlightened'. It just means that you can except the fact that you are a creative and unique woman with the power to do anything you set your mind to. And you are not afraid of you're own power. Let's believe in ourselves and share our power with our sisters. Give love!

The Power To Empower

 The idea to start a Woman's Circle has been strumming deep in me for a while. I want to make a difference in my community. And I want to start with my sisters.  The idea that right now in this time of political uprising,   Women are one of the most vocally and physically attacked beings on the planet- bothers the shit out of me. The strong, independent, powerful, mother/sister/friend/goddess is becoming an endangered species one power at a time. They will start with stripping away our rights- and end with convincing us that we have NO power. WE are the mothers of this earth. We are the POWER. We give BIRTH. To ideas, children, LIFE. We are strong, and we have to ban together and not allow any one to convince our sisters that they are not special, powerful.

 YOU- WOMAN-YOU ARE AMAZING- remember that you hold power, remember how to harness that inner strength and energy- it's been with you since the beginning of time.

We ban together, we teach our daughters, we never forget.

We have the Power to Empower

Wild Women

Become Your Own Muse

Are you ready?
It's a new day. Let's get started!

Who do you want to be?
Become your own muse.
What did you decide?
 What can you do to make it happen?
 (You know, you get to the same destination, with ten tiny steps or two big steps...)

  I want to create an e-course, so I could jump feet first and do it all this weekend(which would overwhelm the heck outta me) or I could make a baby step. I choose a baby step. So today, I'm going to start on my brainstorming, by putting all of the ideas on paper that have been rollin around in my skull for weeks. Inactive and unused, I think I thought if I wrote it down, it'd be real, and then I'd have to follow through with it. Ha! I was right. The time for self-sabotage is OVER! By just making that first step, I'm telling myself "get off yer booty and make it happen!" That first step is the proof my insecure me needs to realize I'm serious about my life.

What baby step can you take today? What effort can you put into your life to get started?

This is the scariest part. That first move, after you take it, the rest is a breeze! And if you get stuck? ASK FOR HELP! 

Yep, it's that easy.

I've been slowly gathering beautifully creative souls around me so when the time came I could use them as a sort of padding, a buffer, from my fears of failing and my insecurities.( I'm a part of the Goddess Circle, and I feel like they would help me in any instance.) Start thinking of who you could surround yourself with. What sort of person do you want near you to make you feel secure enough to make that leap?  If you think you don't have anyone, ask me! I'll be there for you, I LOVE to help and if I don't have a solution, I'll find someone that does!

So today, make a move. Get started...draw a picture, collage a chair, put color on a canvas, ANYTHING...but do something. Start today on your new beginning. We'll do it today, together!

Today I smudged myself, my house and my husband. He has been surrounded by a huge cloud of cynicism and self-doubt lately, and it's driving me bananas. He used to be the most upbeat guy ever. I almost feel guilty for finding my path and healing my Wild Woman. But I do put great intention and prayer into his being as well, hoping that it will lighten his load a little. 

I've always wondered though, when I try to put good will into the universe, if they are not ready for it, does it attach itself to them and eat away at the negativity anyway?I hope so, I love my friends and family, but I love me more. And I cannot let anyone bring me down, I've fought too hard to find my path, and I'm too happy to sacrifice it for pessimistic attitude. 

 I want to teach others to find their Joy, their Bliss. I want to teach others to BECOME themselves. I can't express fully how happy I've become by clearing my soul of negativity and actually putting in the work to be the best me. And I work on me every single day. I start out with my stream of conscious writing,  and then I Art Journal. I also try to meditate and practice yoga daily. If I have time, I paint or sew a new creation. 

 You have to try to make time for yourself everyday, and I do this in little spurts. I grab 15 minutes here or 20 minutes there for myself, it doesn't sound like much, but it adds up! And when every one goes to bed, I really get to work! 

Tomorrow- when you wake up, take ten minutes to write, just empty your mind onto paper for ten full minutes. Julia Cameron calls this Morning Pages, I call it, emptying the trash. It keeps garbage from rattling around in my head all day. Then at some point in the day stretch for a few minutes, you don't have to do yoga, just stretch. Your body will love it. Then, find some time to be STILL. Don't move for a few minutes. Let your mind wander, but not on business or home, on you. Listen to you, where are you sore? Where are you tired? Where are you sad? Breathe into that part of you. Inhale deeply and visualize your clean gust of air going into your achy ow-ey spot and forcing the "bad" out. (I do this with my son when he gets angry!) Push the bad out completely, even if it takes a few breaths. When you are finished cleaning out your insides,your outsides should feel a little lighter, and more content. If you continue to do this daily for a week, you'll really see a difference in yourself-I Promise!!

xxsmoochesxx