Be Generous

 I woke up and cried today. My heart is so heavy with the loss of all of our children, today and all of the yesterdays. I can't really imagine a loss so big. I have no idea of the pain and sorrow these families and communities are having to endure. But just the idea of losing my family makes me sob- and that's an imaginary loss. The real thing would drive me over the edge. I propose we as an online community send all of our love and goodwill as well as strength to Oklahoma today and in the weeks to come. The rebuilding of this community is going to take some time.  Please find your quiet place today and dedicate your time to these people, our people, our family. For we our ONE FAMILY  We are all made of the same thing-regardless of size, shape, color, country or beliefs...we are ONE. And as soon as our majority realizes that-one thought-one energy-one love can change anything- we will succeed as a planet. Be generous with your love and prayer- no matter how you pray, or how you love. Be generous with it and make sure to offer up some time for those in pain...there's always someone that could use relief from their challenges at any given moment.

Yoga, Giving, and Dreadlocks...

I created this poster with the Calm-o-matic

I LOVE yoga. LOVE. But when most people think of yoga, they think of pretty ladies, super bendy in spandexy stuff, with no sweat, all serene like...

What's really happening, to me at least, is work. I'm practicing to make my body stronger, my mind smoother, and my soul more open. Yoga isn't just asanas and chanting, it's getting into you, being quiet and centered. And listening. To you. Deep down inside where you forget there is a voice. I am constantly practicing and trying to hear my rhythm to sync up with the universe...that's my goal. Meditation is more yoga than poses. It's posing your mind and stilling your heart. I do love a physical challenge. And i feel exhilarated when I conquer a pose that I thought was impossible for someone like me. But the true yogic feeling comes after my practice. When I sit and be still, and just BE. That connection I make with myself is like no other...and I find true bliss.

There's another way that I find bliss. Giving. I did this last year, and I feel like it's time to start again! Starting December 1, I will begin to go through my belongings, and give all of the things away that are no longer useful or productive in my life. It makes me feel wonderful knowing that the things that I once loved will now be loved by another. I also want to use this time to give of myself in service. I like to help out at women's shelters and donate my time to animal shelters as well. Giving of your items, time and love are all equally important, and i feel like this season need more love and more self sacrifice, than more buying and stress. If you'd like to join me in 31 Days of Giving, leave a comment below and I'll add a link to your blog...we'll follow each other in service and love!

Two years ago at this time, this is what I looked like...and so many different people commented on my appearance, spitting the word 'hippie' like an insult constantly, that I cut my hair off...and now, of course, I regret it. I think what I am going to do is wait until my hair has a bit more length(it's only about 4 inches right now) maybe chin length, I'm going to re-dread it, and add extensions to the ends for length.

I did this before and you can see a tiny tutorial here. Never again will I let others dictate my appearance! I'm a lot stronger and way more sure of myself now, thank goodness! When I start to redread, i'll post plenty of tutorials and lessons here on the blog.

My weekend coffee fueled babble-thon should probably come to a close...I hope y'all know how much I appreciate being listened too, and i love community! Please feel free to email me with any comments or questions... happysappytrees@gmail.com

~Namaskar~

Anastasia

Positive Living

Notice my amazing lotus spare tire...not so cute- but it will be gone soon...what do you think about that?!?

Make EVERY DAY a SPECIAL DAY!!

I've totally been creating my NEW and IMPROVED life plan; and I've been implementing new things daily. Since Fall is my favorite season, I'd thought I'd start something new and hopefully feel better and more magical every day. 

1. Enjoy each day- I've been drinking my tea out of my wedding china, drinking my water out of a wine glass, and wearing my 'good' panties every day! Why wait for a special occasion? Isn't being alive today special enough?!?

2. Slow Down- I always rush rush rush to everything, which, in turn, stresses me out so much I start sounding like a screech owl! I've started to chill, and start getting ready or get going a few minutes earlier so I can get places and do things on time...no more late Ana! (hopefully)- I make sure I enjoy the sights and sounds of all environments that I enter, and stop for deep breaths constantly.

3. YOGA- everyday...yes, EVERYDAY. I'll do an A'sana practice anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour or so. I then follow up with 20 minutes of seated meditation. It's not about tiring your body out or competing with anyone, it's about FEELING GOOD. Stretching feel good! And after I meditate I'm so peaceful and clear, work and daily activities are super easy to concentrate on.

4. Madhu Vidya- What's that? It's waking up every single day and having a positive thought about the day. "today is going to be great!", "I love to be alive!", " Life is amazing!"- Thinking positively first thing in the morning will create a positive path and schedule for the rest of the day. Good energy attracts Good Energy, bad attracts bad, it's that simple.

5. UNPLUG- I'm as addicted to Face Book and twitter as well as checking my emails as much as the next person. But since I've been cutting off the computer and putting the phone to the side, I've been more creative! And less lazy! I can actually live without knowing what you're cooking for dinner and without telling you that I'm at the bookstore. I check my emails and such in the a.m. and once in the p.m. and try to create my blog posts in my head or on paper so that I'm not staring at the computer for new ideas to just come to me. 

Just starting with one or all of these things will help you feel more motivated and centered. I feel better physically and mentally! What better day than today to start ? It's all about kindness and living...get to it!!

The Lump in My Throat

I got a very validating and terrifying call today. A gentleman contacted me and said he had gone into my studio and saw a piece of my work that would fit perfectly with a project he was working on and could we meet?

 Holy Moly- someone is actually drawn to something I created?!?  I actually started to cry when I got off the phone...I never realized I doubted myself until someone I've never met before complimented me!

And then it hit me...EVERYONE doubts themselves...everybody has that inner critic, something that tries to tell them they are never ENOUGH...And, guess what? That fear has no real power...it can slow you down, you can let it trick you into sabotaging yourself or even not following through. But when you get to the real root of it , and all that's there is fear, you HAVE to push it aside. The lingering what if's and self-doubt cannot be a part of your plan. Fear has no power. It can't stop you...you stop yourself. Tell that fear to fuck off and go ahead with your plan. You are amazing, and once you believe that, the what ifs and fearful thoughts disappear like smoke.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

How I Settled Into My Skin

I'll be 37 this month and I'm really just settling into me.

I just wish that I worried more about who I was than what I was or what I could do to make others know me in my twenties and teens.

I was sexually abused from a young age, and then I allowed abuse through my teen years- giving of myself and being used up and tossed to the side for attention. Once I got to my twenties I was hard and cold...even after I had my son at 20~ I was un-affectionate and hard to read. My first husband and I split up at the age of 21, and I dated unsuccessfully for three years...cheating or being cheated on, falling for people who I knew were not for me, just because of the crowd I'd keep. During all of this time- I never accepted how unhappy I was, never was willing to accept the fact that I was being untrue, and down right mean to myself. My husband and I got back together when i was 24 and I was happy...in love...ME! For a bit...we got pregnant with our daughter and she was born in '01- I had someone who loved me truly, I loved them truly and we were honestly happy. Then he died. Two months after my baby was born, he had a work accident and died suddenly, during the day. I was devastated. Ruined. LOST.

FF through the doom and gloom to my husband of 8 years. Honest, soulful, beautiful. He was younger than me and accepting of a widow with two young children. Now~ I'm not painting this into a floral and rosy picture of joy...we've had our ups and downs...and for the most part the downs have been something I brought on...I never allowed my self to grieve- Grieve my childhood, my teen years, my first Husband...my innocence.

2005- I began to create...art, yarn, food, clothing.

 I had forgotten how much I loved to make things with my hands. I never took art, well not since the 7th grade. When I was little I would cut up paper and create elaborate structures, sometimes taller than me...I would get lost in a book and then spend the rest of the day recreating the story through my drawings. As a teen, I would cut out pictures of others and glue them in a sketchbook, writing through my anger and changing the images to suit my mood...never quite breaking through but always feeling a bit better afterwards.

So when I remembered my hands could be used to create joy, not just shield pain...I used them constantly. I painted, cooked, spun yarn, sewed. CREATED! Every new thing or task that I accomplished gave me a little bit more of my soul back. I became whole! A solid girl who was not afraid to be real, blunt and honest.

TRUE.

My family has always supported me, even when they didn't know what was wrong with me other than I was cold and angry and bitter. And my wonderful husband had my back and helped me in every way he could, as well as giving me TWO MORE (!) beautiful children.

Now- I'm happy, mostly, and when things set me back I get over them, knowing that everything will be better. I now have faith...in me and the world, in man-kind.

Now I create daily

I journal- writing and doodling my emotions all over pages in my books, working through my emotions without wearing them on my sleeve before they've been examined.

I meditate- Listening to me, getting deeper and deeper into my soul, sometimes I'm so deep I'm not in my body, just fully encased in my soul- able to understand what is before me.

I paint-Creating colorful shapes that may make no sense to others but to me they tell an intimate story of my past present and future...creation has become my art. Not the finished product.

I move- Everyday...Yoga has tethered me more solidly into my physical body and allowed me to feel at home in it. I no longer feel trapped in a place that I'm uncomfortable, don't like and am scared of.

I love- I allow myself to feel without the fear of being betrayed, hurt. I can control what affects me. Without feeling separated from myself, I feel whole. My family, children, husband, friends encase me in love and warmth and safety, and I am not afraid to return that love...I give freely of my emotions and except the world around me.

This is what I do and did to become me...I didn't start this page this way, trying to give my story, but I felt moved to be real and true. I have learned a lot in 36 years and I would not change a thing...I get to be me fully and make no excuses for it. I own my soul -LOVE,  ART and CREATIVITY have helped me see that. And now I know that my reason for being here is to help others who are hurting, or don't understand themselves fully, or are just stuck a bit- how to be TRUE. I teach truth and love through creativity and meditation and journaling. And I want to help everyone I can.

I hope that my story opened me up a bit for you...I honestly believe creativity can help you transform your life mentally and physically. And I want to help you...please email me at happysappytrees@gmail.com and I promise to try and help you with prompts and love. The classes I am creating will help us dig deeper into our souls and teach us that TRUTH is the way.

thank you for giving me a little of your time today...

Love,

Anastasia

Goddessing

Spurred by centuries of male dominated organized religion (or a supreme deity referred to by masculine pronouns i.e. "he"), some women embraced the idea of a female deity that was more in keeping with feminist beliefs and the inherent value of women. A unifying theme of the movement was that the gender of deity characterizes the political gender-bias of the religion, so a Goddess Worshipping religion is held to be matriarchal and a "God" worshipping religion is held to be patriarchal.

Goddess beliefs can take many forms; some people in the Goddess movement recognize multiple goddesses. Some also include gods. While others honor what they refer to as "the Goddess", which is not necessarily seen as monotheistic, but is often understood to be an inclusive, encompassing term incorporating many goddesses in many different cultures. The term "the Goddess" may also be understood to include a multiplicity of ways to view deity personified as female, or as a metaphor, or as a process.

• Goddesses refers to a local or specific deities linked clearly to a particular culture and often to particular aspects, attributes and powers.

One can regard a goddess (in this sense) as an aspect of the Great Goddess as well as a specific goddess with a particular role within a pantheon.

• The Goddess or the Great Goddess is a female deity that is regarded as primary. When Goddess is spoken of as a personal guardian, as in 'my Goddess' it usually means 'my worldview in Goddess spirituality.'

• Goddess Spirituality is sometimes used as a synonym for Goddess Movement and sometimes as the spiritual practice that is part of the Goddess movement.

• Goddessing means Goddess culture, Goddess way of life, Goddess practice, or 'my goddessing' as in my individual interpretation and experience of Goddess.

(Found on Wikipedia)

My love of women has only within the past 10 years been renewed. I was always the girl with all the guy friends because other girls were too bitchy or high maintenance. I considered myself a feminist and wanted nothing to do with ladies in lipstick or fancies and frills. And then it hit me- Feminine is the Meaning of Feminism- you can't have one with out the other. It's not degrading in any way to love to cook, or knit, or breed, or mother, or be pretty. And why dislike other women? They are just as unsure or insecure as I am. I don't do anything in this life to please anyone else but myself. And the thing that pleases me most is to help others find the magic within themselves. And help them bring it out into the open. I want to be TRUE and I want others to find their truth too. 

I AM A GODDESS~ AND SO ARE YOU!

This does not mean that you are going against you're religion, or that you feel like you're better than others. Or even that you are more 'enlightened'. It just means that you can except the fact that you are a creative and unique woman with the power to do anything you set your mind to. And you are not afraid of you're own power. Let's believe in ourselves and share our power with our sisters. Give love!

Confidence from the Universe

It's not the steps that matter, anastasia, but the path.

All is well,
    The Universe

I receive these emails from the universe every couple of days , and let me tell you....they're almost always on time!I need these confidence boosters as much as I second guess myself sometimes, and they always make me smile! To start receiving some universal love into your inbox go to Mike Dooley's website at TUT and sign up, while your there peruse through everything and be amazed at the positivity that seeps through your computer!

Peace Peace Peace

Oṁ asato mā sad gamaya

Tamaso mā jyotir gamaya

mṛtyor mā amṛtaṁ gamaya

Oṁ śānti śānti śāntiḥ 

From ignorance, lead me to truth;

From darkness, lead me to light;

From death, lead me to immortality

Om peace, peace, peace

This is my mantra and prayer today, all day...

LOVE

Please love and trust yourself...if you believe in you they will too.