I'm So Awesome, You Are Too!

So it's not always pretty, this life you live. MAKE it pretty. Own it, decorate it and live it. Open your own doors and get on your soapbox. Shout from the rooftops about how awesome you are. Make yourself happy- the rest will follow- I PROMISE.

I wear tutu's and tiaras-
So what I'm 37 and not royalty. That's in your reality. In mine, I know that I looked damn cute dressed as a princess ballerina,and it makes chores so much more fun! Stop doing what you think others approve of and do what you approve of! Now I'm not giving you free anarchist reign- we have laws and ethics and morals for a reason. What I am saying is- who made it a rule that you can't wear pink hair at 50? Who says forever 21 is only for those under the age of 21? Why- Why is it frowned upon to have fun and act a little kooky?
I could give a seminar dressed in a monkey suit and I bet my words would reach you just the same. We put to much emphasis on adult hood and being stodgy. I refuse to be of the mindset that I need to wear a pantsuit to be accepted,or taken "seriously",  make your silliness acceptable! Prove that you can be professional, efficient and damn good at what you do- even if you are carrying a Jem lunchbox for a purse. Have fun with your life- It's yours and you may not get to come back...enjoy yourself while you can.

Positivity breeds.....more positivity!
And negativity does the same. So drop the Debbie downer act. Look on the bright side- there's always a bright side if you look for it. And if you're always looking for the downside, waiting on the other shoe to drop, sad sacking it around town, or wallowing in misery...you're going to get more of the same. You are wasting your life, if you are being down and out about everything-always. QUIT IT! Your bumming yourself out, and probably everyone within earshot...booo, NO FUN.

Forgive the asshole-for you, not for them.
Humans do stupid things. Some because they're assholes, some because they're mean, and some are really accidents. Regardless- forgive them, and move on. If I held a grudge against everyone who purposefully or not had hurt me in the past, I'd have to pull a wagon behind me, my grudge would be that big. But you're not the only person that's been wronged, or deceived  or hurt. You are, however, the only one that can make yourself keep going. Release your sadness and anger- and focus on making yourself happy.

I'm easygoing- but I'm no ones doormat.
I forgive and  move on, and I release. But I'm no sucker. I choose my arguments and let things slide. But- when you are blatantly being harmed- FIGHT BACK. Don't allow anyone ever to bully you, hurt you, cheat you- or just generally screw you over. Get away from those situations, and LEARN. REMEMBER. And don't fall for that shit again. You are not a bad person for expecting respect and speaking up for yourself. And you don't have to be violent to get your point across. But, get your point across. Make sure others realize you are a good, honest, open, and loving person- that takes no shit from nobody. That won't make you less of a good person, it'll make you better.

My life's awesome.
Because I say so. Because I make it so. Sure I have poopy days, and my husband and I argue, and my kids get wacky from time to time. But those are small compared to the fact that I'M ALIVE. I get to experience something new everyday and change and grow and learn. How awesome is that?!? Get your ass out there and live, breathe, love. Quit floating through life like a ghost...don't just exist-  create the life you want and make it freakin colorful and bright! LIVE!

The Lump in My Throat

I got a very validating and terrifying call today. A gentleman contacted me and said he had gone into my studio and saw a piece of my work that would fit perfectly with a project he was working on and could we meet?

 Holy Moly- someone is actually drawn to something I created?!?  I actually started to cry when I got off the phone...I never realized I doubted myself until someone I've never met before complimented me!

And then it hit me...EVERYONE doubts themselves...everybody has that inner critic, something that tries to tell them they are never ENOUGH...And, guess what? That fear has no real power...it can slow you down, you can let it trick you into sabotaging yourself or even not following through. But when you get to the real root of it , and all that's there is fear, you HAVE to push it aside. The lingering what if's and self-doubt cannot be a part of your plan. Fear has no power. It can't stop you...you stop yourself. Tell that fear to fuck off and go ahead with your plan. You are amazing, and once you believe that, the what ifs and fearful thoughts disappear like smoke.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

How I Settled Into My Skin

I'll be 37 this month and I'm really just settling into me.

I just wish that I worried more about who I was than what I was or what I could do to make others know me in my twenties and teens.

I was sexually abused from a young age, and then I allowed abuse through my teen years- giving of myself and being used up and tossed to the side for attention. Once I got to my twenties I was hard and cold...even after I had my son at 20~ I was un-affectionate and hard to read. My first husband and I split up at the age of 21, and I dated unsuccessfully for three years...cheating or being cheated on, falling for people who I knew were not for me, just because of the crowd I'd keep. During all of this time- I never accepted how unhappy I was, never was willing to accept the fact that I was being untrue, and down right mean to myself. My husband and I got back together when i was 24 and I was happy...in love...ME! For a bit...we got pregnant with our daughter and she was born in '01- I had someone who loved me truly, I loved them truly and we were honestly happy. Then he died. Two months after my baby was born, he had a work accident and died suddenly, during the day. I was devastated. Ruined. LOST.

FF through the doom and gloom to my husband of 8 years. Honest, soulful, beautiful. He was younger than me and accepting of a widow with two young children. Now~ I'm not painting this into a floral and rosy picture of joy...we've had our ups and downs...and for the most part the downs have been something I brought on...I never allowed my self to grieve- Grieve my childhood, my teen years, my first Husband...my innocence.

2005- I began to create...art, yarn, food, clothing.

 I had forgotten how much I loved to make things with my hands. I never took art, well not since the 7th grade. When I was little I would cut up paper and create elaborate structures, sometimes taller than me...I would get lost in a book and then spend the rest of the day recreating the story through my drawings. As a teen, I would cut out pictures of others and glue them in a sketchbook, writing through my anger and changing the images to suit my mood...never quite breaking through but always feeling a bit better afterwards.

So when I remembered my hands could be used to create joy, not just shield pain...I used them constantly. I painted, cooked, spun yarn, sewed. CREATED! Every new thing or task that I accomplished gave me a little bit more of my soul back. I became whole! A solid girl who was not afraid to be real, blunt and honest.

TRUE.

My family has always supported me, even when they didn't know what was wrong with me other than I was cold and angry and bitter. And my wonderful husband had my back and helped me in every way he could, as well as giving me TWO MORE (!) beautiful children.

Now- I'm happy, mostly, and when things set me back I get over them, knowing that everything will be better. I now have faith...in me and the world, in man-kind.

Now I create daily

I journal- writing and doodling my emotions all over pages in my books, working through my emotions without wearing them on my sleeve before they've been examined.

I meditate- Listening to me, getting deeper and deeper into my soul, sometimes I'm so deep I'm not in my body, just fully encased in my soul- able to understand what is before me.

I paint-Creating colorful shapes that may make no sense to others but to me they tell an intimate story of my past present and future...creation has become my art. Not the finished product.

I move- Everyday...Yoga has tethered me more solidly into my physical body and allowed me to feel at home in it. I no longer feel trapped in a place that I'm uncomfortable, don't like and am scared of.

I love- I allow myself to feel without the fear of being betrayed, hurt. I can control what affects me. Without feeling separated from myself, I feel whole. My family, children, husband, friends encase me in love and warmth and safety, and I am not afraid to return that love...I give freely of my emotions and except the world around me.

This is what I do and did to become me...I didn't start this page this way, trying to give my story, but I felt moved to be real and true. I have learned a lot in 36 years and I would not change a thing...I get to be me fully and make no excuses for it. I own my soul -LOVE,  ART and CREATIVITY have helped me see that. And now I know that my reason for being here is to help others who are hurting, or don't understand themselves fully, or are just stuck a bit- how to be TRUE. I teach truth and love through creativity and meditation and journaling. And I want to help everyone I can.

I hope that my story opened me up a bit for you...I honestly believe creativity can help you transform your life mentally and physically. And I want to help you...please email me at happysappytrees@gmail.com and I promise to try and help you with prompts and love. The classes I am creating will help us dig deeper into our souls and teach us that TRUTH is the way.

thank you for giving me a little of your time today...

Love,

Anastasia

TRUTH

The benefits you receive from being truly safe in your own mind and body are so
powerful you feel the need to share them with everyone you meet. This creates a ripple effect of love and satisfaction that always gives. A tiny bit of joy goes a long way. And when you truly love yourself you are capable of creating much happiness for all.