But She Doesn't Look Sick...

I don't look sick, do I?

I'm not disabled, Thank GOD, and I'm not dying or have such a debilitating disease that I'm not or can't be active. I have hypothyroidism- which SUCKS and causes stupid symptoms like...

Weight Gain

Memory loss

Foggy Memory

Tired/lethargy

Weak

Depression

Dry Skin

Brittle Nails

Constipation

Irregular Menstrual Cycles

 A few years back when I was pregnant with my middle son I was diagnosed with Hyperthyroid- it's no good either. But, I didn't feel this way. And I was thin, which is vain but true. And then I went through a period where I was fine, nothing was wrong with me! Little did I know that the hyper was causing my body to produce too much hormone and that eventually it was gonna cause my thyroid to poop out. Sure enough, now it produces too little hormone. For a long time i thought that I was super tired because of lack of sleep, four kids, night job as a bartender, drinking, over taxing myself. And yes, while those things added to my problem, I was unaware of the fact that my little throat butterfly was out of whack. So i'm on medication, and I've quit caffeine, lessened my sugar, and almost given up gluten. As well as doing yoga 6 days a week and drinking a gallon or more of water a day. Guess what- I still have a gut that causes people-even complete strangers, to ask me when I'm due.Not only is it embarrassing to explain to the person, it hurts my feelings. A Lot. I know they are not trying to be mean. And I know that I'm doing everything that I can to get my weight under control...even though I don't look obese, I have a huge gut and extra weight everywhere. Forty extra pounds on a 5'6 small frame really shows up you know? Anyway...

 So here's where I'm going with this. There are a lot of folks out there that have illnesses that you can't see; and they are trying to manage, and struggle with on a daily basis. Some days they feel fine- like today, I'm not tired, I feel good, and I'm able to stay busy. But then there are days that you feel rotten, and you can't leave your house or your bed. Those people are not FAKING IT. Just because you can't see the physicality of an illness does not mean it doesn't exist. Just because you don't see wounds or scars does not mean that person is not in agonizing pain. Be compassionate, to EVERYONE. Give everybody a chance! You have no idea what battle or path these people are trudging through and by dismissing them because of an 'invisible' illness you are doing them a HUGE injustice. And as far as judging that little lady that parks in the handicap zone and then hops out and walks quickly to into the store without a visible limp, or if she/he is in their twenties and they look 'fine'...don't be an asshole. DO NOT judge them. They are luckily having a good day, and I guarantee they would trade a handicap sign and 'great'  parking for wellness any day. So stop being rude, and stop asking questions. Treat everyone EQUALLY AND COMPASSIONATELY. It's not hard to be polite or to just hold your damn tongue, Ya know?

How You See Your Truth

 One of the paintings I was working on the other day was on the coffee table when some folks came by. A lady picked them up and was looking at it when my son said "that's one of mama's Goddesses!" The lady replied with a "yeah, she always paints this face." Completely harmless statement...but for some reason every bit of wind went out of my sails and I completely deflated. She had absolutely no idea that what she said affected me. No one was aware that anything happened at all, I however, haven't painted, sketched or written since then.

 And then I realized- Duh, that's her opinion - not your truth!

 Yes, I paint the same face over and over, that's my STYLE and also, that's what I look like. I paint myself: sad eyes, wonky teeth, happy heart. It's me, over and over...and i'm okay with that. Had I not thought long and hard about this as quickly as possible, I could have been left in an artistic slump and spiral for a really long time. Some folks are always going to say things that deflate your soul. The ability to surpass that, move on, and create even more is where the challenge lies. You are the only strength that you can lean on in this creative journey. No matter how much praise you receive from the outside world, if you don't believe in yourself and your own abilities, nothing else is going to matter.

PS-That lady was my mom... 

Jump For Joy!

Enjoy this free printable! 

Green Goddess-Recipe

This recipe makes for a super tart crazy yummy smoothie. If you wanted a sweeter taste add honey or a half of a banana, I like it a bit tart.

Ingredients
1 oz Goji Berries
2 Tbs Chia Seed
6oz Frozen berries
2 BIG handfuls of spinach
1c water

I just put everything in the blender and pulsed on crush for a few. It has texture, but I'm sure if that bothers you you could blend it longer. The kids and I like it with texture. And I didn't add ice to this one either, i felt like the frozen berries were enough, but you could make this go a lot further with ice and a bit more water.

 I like to have smoothies for an after school snack, they're quick, easy, and the best way to get a lot of nutrients and vitamins into the kids and my diet! And as much as I love cookies, a smoothie will keep me full until dinnertime. So quit being scared of your fruits and veggies- throw them in the blender!

Goddess at Hand

 This is my latest painting, I have quite a ways to go, but I'm really in love with the background. It's ink and acrylic on a wood panel. and I placed painters tape all over the wood so I could take it off at various stages and get a 'raw wood' feel. I hope to finish her this evening! And I was thinking about covering her in clear embossing powder as the very last step to seal it in. Is that a good idea?

Sticks and Stones- Giving Yourself Permission

cannot  (ˈkænɒt, kæˈnɒt)
— vb
	an auxiliary verb expressing incapacity, inability, withholding permission, etc; can not The hardest lesson I had to learn was one that was defeating me before I even started. The word CAN'T. As in- "I can't do that pose!" "I can't write" "I can't paint like that" "I can't fix that" I was defeating myself before I even started! And for what?!? Well mainly, fear. Fear of failure is what generally holds me back, but what I didn't understand was that I was failing myself before I even started by making my mind so pessimistic and final. CAN'T.   Part of the definition resounds loudly with me. Permission. And can't is 'withholding permission'. So right there you are telling you conscious and subconscious brain, "you don't have permission to do that, therefore your body and mind will not cooperate and you will not succeed." The end. So I failed, a lot. And then, I quit trying. Sound familiar? And then one day, I was watching a kid do a cartwheel, and walk on his hands- just fooling around, playing outside. And when he came near me I said "wow, you're really strong, how did you learn to do that?" And he replied like this-"I don't know, I've never done it before, but I wanted to see if I could." It was that simple. What?!? I had so many questions, but I'm sure I was already creeping his mom out.  I went home and really started to think about it. I'm a big supporter of mind over matter. But at the time, I really didn't consider the fact that my brain and spirit are ALWAYS listening, hearing and responding to what I say negative or positive, and almost immediately. I just assumed, if I told myself something positive, my energy would know it was for me, and If I made a negative statement-"I feel so fat today; I don't feel so good; I'm tired" my energy would know that I was being whiny and let it pass. But that's not how it works.  When you make a statement, it's out there, resonating and creating waves even if you don't believe so. There's such strength and energy in words- and they manifest when said with conviction, quickly.  So instead of saying "Gee, I don't know, I'm too ___________ to do that, I don't think I can, I can't do that."  Say- "That looks challenging, maybe I can do ________" "I think I can do ____________" The worse thing that could happen? You could accomplish something you've never tried before. You could start a practice of something difficult  and get better over time. You could even impress the hell outta yourself. The easiest way to accomplish anything is to be positive, give yourself permission, try hard, and keep trying, and for goodness sake- quit saying can't.

The Importance of Shavasana

As a yoga teacher I usually don't follow up my practice with Shavasana (Corpse Pose).  I always tell myself things like "I don't have time, I need to go check on..., I don't really need it, I'll chill later, etc" What I've found, however, is that I do need it. And it's kinda like I'm leaving my practice unfinished. For the past week, whenever I practice I've made myself  lie down and experience the asana. And I feel BETTER. Even more relaxed and energized at the same time. I sometimes notice in class when I get to this pose at the end, some folks are uncomfortable. I understand it's unnerving to close your eyes and let your guard down in a room full of strangers. Some people are reluctant to relax completely, afraid they may fall asleep, or snore, or even worse, be totally relaxed and fart. So they defeat the purpose by fidgeting, keeping their eyes wide open, barraging their brain with tasks and lists.

 Some things that I have learned since starting my practice years ago are:
I think you may actually be safest in the confines of a group of yogi's.It's a den of trust.
People are so worried about themselves they don't notice you and your noises.
Everybody snores and farts- EVERYBODY.
You need to take some time for yourself and relax. The reason you're so uptight? You don't relax enough!

Shavasana is helpful to you completely. Mind Body and Spirit. Some of the benefits of Shavasana are:

a decrease in heart rate and the rate of respiration, blood pressure, muscle tension
a reduction in general anxiety,a reduction in the number and frequency of anxiety attacks
an increase in energy levels and in general productivity
an improvement in concentration and in memory
an increase in focus,a decrease in fatigue, coupled with deeper and sounder sleep
and improved self-confidence

Why would you not want to feel better, look better, have more energy, sleep better, and walk around with your self confidence intact?!?

 So I'm challenging all you yogi's who skip Shavasana. Try it for the next 10 practices- at least 7 minutes of corpse pose. And then, see how you feel. It's remarkable!

Shhh- My Souls Talking

Free Printable-share it, give it, love it.

Shhh- hear that? That litany of voices in your head...how do you ever get anything done? I have the same mixture of sounds blaring through my skull every day. Here are a few things that I do to shush them up.

!. Julia Cameron is a genius...I write three pages in long hand everyday. EVERYDAY. Some times its lists, sometimes its notes, diary pages, sketches with catchy phrases...but everyday I write something. It totally dispels a bit of that noise and trash that's cluttering up my brain space.

2. Meditate- I sit for 10 minutes EVERY DAY in a quiet place and let my self quiet down and I just breathe. When a thought comes in my head, I gently imagine that I let it float into a box and then I concentrate on my breath again. Even if I only get a few seconds of real meditation everyday, a few seconds to me is better than none.

3. Walk outside. Go into nature. Sometimes just letting my bare feet touch grass and soil soothes the loudness in my brain.

Try one or all of these things. Get a routine set up, where you write, then meditate, and then maybe go outside. Slow down and b-r-e-a-t-h-e. With time you'll notice that its a lot more quiet and roomy in that ole skull of yours.

Lessons I wish I'd known BEFORE going to Yoga Class.

Yoga has changed me, my life and my outlook on life in so many ways. I love it and try to find my way to my mat everyday. But when I started, there were these misconceptions and falseities about yoga that I wish I'd had someone to talk to about. Maybe this will help you gain the confidence to start your own practice and fall in love with yoga too.

 These are some general 'rules' most people going into yoga don't know or kinda know...


Before your class:

Please, avoid eating.(You will be physically miserable if you do) Light snacks such as juices, fruits or smoothies are great an hour before class.
Wear comfortable attire that does not restrict bodily movements.
Don't dress provocatively or scantily- I don't want to be behind you and be able to see in to you! 
You don't have to have name brand gear. Why spend 100 bux on yoga pants you're going to sweat in? T-shirt, stretch pants- perfect.
Avoid using perfume or scented lotions for some participants may have environmental sensitivities.
Because Yoga is practiced bare foot, please plan to remove your shoes.
Drink plenty of water before and after the class

Upon Entering the Studio:

Plan to arrive 10 or 15 minutes before class.
If you bring a cell phone make sure the ringer is off
If you arrive early, please wait quietly until the previous class ends
Remove your shoes before entering the yoga room
Set up your mat and chill there- do some warm ups or meditate.
Inform your instructor if you have any health concerns or injuries(I usually ask).

Extras I like to add:

Don't let the fact that you're not a size 2 stop you. I'm a healthy girl and I love yoga! Yoga is for EVERYONE.

Try every class you can, and every teacher you can. Just because you like/dislike someones appearance or personality does not mean you will like their class- be open to everything!

BREATHE- synchronized movement and breath should be your goal!

Smile! This is your own personal time, enjoy it!

Chill- no one is judging you, they're too worried about what they look like.

If it doesn't feel good, DON'T DO IT!

Yoga is not a competition sport, you are doing this for you. 

Yoga is not a religion.It's for any and every body. I practice along side people from all different religions, cultures, states, countries- everything. And you don't have to chant or meditate or sing, it's fun, but if it makes you uncomfortable then DON'T DO IT!

You are going to yoga for so many things-health, weight, body image, mental, connection. Whatever the reason, don't let the fact that you may not succeed immediately hold you back! It called a PRACTICE for a reason!

Remember- There is no Yoga Police...no one is going to rush in and tell you you are wrong or make fun of you. If you feel uncomfortable in the class, speak with the instructor afterwards.Communicate! They are there to assist you in your personal place and help you connect with yourself and to have fun! They are not there to be judgmental. I hope this eases your mind about yoga and maybe gets you out and on a mat today!

If you want to see me I teach at On Track Yoga 4 classes a week, and I love to meet new people!

It's okay to fail.

So, obviously, I didn't make a post yesterday about my amazing upcycled lamp shade. EPIC FAIL.

 As I began to cut into the shade I found out a few things.

1. I don't really think things through.

2. There are NO side supports on this shade.

3. I didn't have a back-up plan.

well, poop. So I had to run out to the store and buy a new shade and come back to the drawing board.

But that's the best thing ever-

I didn't get defeated. I didn't get down on myself. 

I learned a lesson(maybe check it out all the way, have a back up) and I'll keep going.So for now, the doily's are chillin on my worktable and I started a new project. I'm going to keep thinking about the doily's until I figure out a solution, but I'm not going to give up. I have faith in me. I'll come up with something eventually. and it wasn't a failure, it was a learning experience. I totally know how to tackle this when I get a new plan together!

 Until then, we'll just say this project is to be continued...

Coffee recipe's on me!

I love coffee, iced, hot, black, creamy, flavored. ALL coffee! I just can't bring myself to spending $3 to $6 bux every time I want coffee. I'd be broke always! So I've started making fancy-dancy drinks at home.

For this iced coffee-
2 cups ice
1tsp REAL vanilla flavoring
1/2 and 1/2 to taste
COFFEE!
whipped cream

I placed the first 4 ingredients into the blender and crushed the ice making it super chopped, then I poured it into my favorite wide mouthed glass and topped with whipped cream. Easy peasy and cheap! And i can have 5 if i want! You can always sub soy, coconut, rice or almond milk for the half and half and whipped topping- theres some awesome dairy free ones out there. Save your money for more important things (like art supplies) and make your own drinks at home!

DIY Doily Lampshades

PART 1-

 I've been buying and collecting doily's for a long time; sure I could crochet them myself, but when I go to the thrift store or to a yard sale and they're .25 It's hard NOT to buy them rather than make them...besides, it's upcycling! So go out in yonder world and return with a whole bunch of beautifully intricate doily's. Most of mine we're round, but some were 'runner' style, long rectangles, and some were obviously practice crochet because they were a bit wonky. Regardless- Your going to be stitching them around a lamp shade which is no perfect circle or square so no worries! I will eventually remove the fabric that's on the metal frame of the shade, but I wanted to make sure the dye worked out and that I had enough doily's before I had a naked lamp chillin' in my living room- I'm doing this on the sly anyway, so I want to destroy the original at the last moment.

 I just sort of eyeballed the amount that I would need- I'll probably overlap them in some areas...

 I then laid down some plastic and sprayed the fabric. I used Tumble Dye by sei in pink and blue. And I also used Color Shine by Heidi Swapp in teal, mustard, chartreuse, and primrose. Color Shine is typically a scrapbook/mixed media type spray- but I figured, ink is ink-right?!?

I also decided while I was at it, that the doily would make an awesome stencil for one of my canvases- so I laid it across the canvas in progress and sprayed away- I think it'll be a cute background element!

My next steps will be to let them dry completely and iron over them to heat set the ink. I'll post about that and how I finished the project on Thursday! Stay tuned!!

Where is Connie Converse?

Artwork by Sarah Wilmer

Trouble

Ever since we met the world’s been upside-down,
and if you don’t stop troublin’ me you’ll drive me out of town.
But if you go away, as trouble ought to do,
where will I find another soul to tell my trouble to?

My bed is made of stone, a star has burnt my eye,
I’m goin’ down to the willow tree and teach her how to cry.
But if you go away, as trouble ought to do,
where will I find another soul to tell my trouble to?

They bid me wear my hat, put on a nice new gown;
I tossed my bonnet over the roof and I guess it won’t come down.
But if you go away, as trouble ought to do,
where will I find another soul to tell my trouble to?

Ever read a story, see a photo or hear a song and think "Wow! I need to find out about this person/artist!" I am obsessed with the story of Connie.

Wikipedia says-

Elizabeth Eaton Converse was born in Laconia, New Hampshire, in 1924. She grew up in Concord as the middle child in a strict Baptist family; her father was a Baptist minister. She attended Concord High School, where she was valedictorian and won eight academic awards. She was awarded an academic scholarship to Mount Holyoke College inMassachusetts. After two years' study, she left the College and moved to New York City.^[1]

During the 1950s, she worked for the Academy Photo Offset printing house in New York's Flatiron District and lived in Greenwich Village. She started calling herself Connie, a nickname she had acquired in New York. She began writing songs and performing them for friends, accompanying herself on guitar.^[1]

Her music came to the notice of animator and amateur recording engineer Gene Deitch, who had made tape recordings of artists like John Lee Hooker and Pete Seeger in the 1940s. Deitch made a number of tape recordings of Converse in the kitchen of his house in Hastings-on-Hudson in the mid-1950s. But she failed to attract any commercial interest in her music. Her only public performance was a brief television appearance in 1954 on "The Morning Show" on CBS with Walter Cronkite, which Deitch helped to arrange.^[1]

In 1961, she left New York for Ann Arbor, Michigan, where her brother Philip was a professor of political science at the University of Michigan. She worked in a secretarial job, and then as Managing Editor of the Journal of Conflict Resolution from 1963.^[1] Her only musical involvement continued to be playing for friends at parties.

By 1973, Connie was burnt out and depressed. Her colleagues and friends pooled their money to finance a six-months' trip to England for her. The journal, which meant so much to her, had left Michigan for Yale at the end of 1972, after being "auctioned off" without her knowledge. She was facing the need for major surgery.^[1]

In August 1974, she wrote a series of letters to her family and friends, talking about her intention to make a new life somewhere else. By the time the letters were delivered, she had packed her belongings in her Volkswagen Beetle and driven away, never to be heard from again.^[1]

In January 2004, Gene Deitch – by then 80 years old and living in Prague since 1961 – was invited by New York music historian David Garland to appear on his radio show Spinning on Air. Deitch played some of his own recordings, including one of Connie's songs, "One by One".

Two of Garland's listeners, Dan Dzula and David Herman, were inspired to try and put together an album of Connie's music. There were two sources: the tapes in Deitch's collection in Prague, and her brother Philip's collection of recordings which she had sent him in the 1950s. In March 2009, How Sad, How Lovely, containing 17 songs by Connie Converse, was released by Lau derette Recordings. There have been indications that Converse's musical approach and singing style has had an impact on indie folk artists such as Quinn Marston.^[2]

The Australian singer-songwriter Robert Forster, co-founder of the Go-Betweens, describes the album as "making a deep and marvellous connection between lyric and song that allows us to enter the world of an extraordinary woman living in mid-twentieth-century New York."^[3]

What happened to Connie? How could such a soulful and haunting artist just drop off the face of the earth? Her music is tear worthy, and i hear something different every time I listen to it...If you have further knowledge of Connie Converse- please comment here! I have to know more!

Cantaloupe and Kale?

Smoothie Time!
My lady friend and (unbeknownst to her) yoga guru Rachael told me that I should start using Kale in place of spinach in my drinks/smoothies because it would be more cooling to my fiery pitta nature. Well ding dong if she aint right! Now that I've started using Kale I feel as if it IS cooler and more soothing, and maybe I'm jumping the gun a bit, but it seems as if my skin is not quite so pinky. (Being a natural redhead, I have a pink on the verge of red complexion, Depending on how hot my body is at the time).

So today, I thought I'd share my delicious newfangled to me recipe for a Cantaloupe and Kale Smoothie!

1c Kale (washed, but i didn't even chop it)
1c Cantaloupe
a handful of Goji berries
1/4c of Chia Seeds
1/2 a banana ( for a bit more sweetness)
2c Ice

I just threw everything into the blender and pressed liquefy! It made enough ( 3c or .75L) that I drank it throughout the evening and then had the rest for breakfast.
 The main difference in the kale and the spinach is texture. The Kale tends to be pretty crunchy, or toothsome; while the spinach smooths out a lot more and becomes more 'liquidy'. But the overall flavor is usually masked by the sweetness of the fruit. Bananas and apples almost always over power so use them sparingly if you are trying for a balance of flavor.

BE BOLD

Take fantastic leaps towards the unknown. 

That thing that you fear?

Conquer it.

Do it.

Procrastination be damned! 

Go live your life NOW.

Take your future in your hands and make the steps to make yourself happy.

Need more education? Go back to school.

Need more money? Go over your finances...do you really need that $5 Coffee? Cut back.

SAVE! Every penny counts.

Want to be more artistic and creative? Do it! Scribble, doodle, splash color, but do it! 

PRACTICE REALLY DOES MAKE AWESOME!

But above all, BE BOLD. Don't wait for fate to deliver that special path to your door. Go out and make it happen. No more excuses, no more "I can't because..." If you want it, be positive, think and ACT.

 Make it happen. 

And 

Start

TODAY!

(IT REALLY IS THAT EASY)