Be Generous

 I woke up and cried today. My heart is so heavy with the loss of all of our children, today and all of the yesterdays. I can't really imagine a loss so big. I have no idea of the pain and sorrow these families and communities are having to endure. But just the idea of losing my family makes me sob- and that's an imaginary loss. The real thing would drive me over the edge. I propose we as an online community send all of our love and goodwill as well as strength to Oklahoma today and in the weeks to come. The rebuilding of this community is going to take some time.  Please find your quiet place today and dedicate your time to these people, our people, our family. For we our ONE FAMILY  We are all made of the same thing-regardless of size, shape, color, country or beliefs...we are ONE. And as soon as our majority realizes that-one thought-one energy-one love can change anything- we will succeed as a planet. Be generous with your love and prayer- no matter how you pray, or how you love. Be generous with it and make sure to offer up some time for those in pain...there's always someone that could use relief from their challenges at any given moment.

Lost in Loss

I'm a superstitious person. I always have been, but I've always been intuitive and a bit of an empath as well. My mom and grandmother are the same way and my mom has had many encounters with energy in a way that I envy and am a little afraid of too.

 that being said- 

A bird flew into my house 2 week-ish ago. As soon as it did, I told my husband- three deaths to come. He of course laughed it off, he always does. That evening, I found out a young friend of mine had passed in his sleep. In his thirties, healthy and strong-dead. This past Tuesday, the same dang thing...My friend and boss was found in his sleep- passed at 42. I know negativity breeds negativity- but facts are facts. Every time a bird comes into my home, 3 people I know pass.And the scariest part of this is the final waiting period- the last shoe to drop. 

I don't grieve in a 'normal' way.  Every since my best friend and first husband passed suddenly in 2001 I've kinda put up an emotional wall to the passing of a soul. I don't feel as if i'm hardened, but i do feel as if I'm not as touched by sadness.  I feel as if spirit is formed into a new being and given a second chance- maybe that's why i'm not so saddened...but I don't like to be around the sadness of the living- the grieving. That much emotion in one place really affects me in a negative way- and I try to avoid it at all costs. So I generally bow out of funerals  Does that make me weak? no one likes funerals  I realize that, but I honestly get physically and mentally ill at death gatherings. I don't know that I can participate in another procession. 

And now the looming fear of Whats next-who's next is over my head and heavy in my heart.

I'm lost.

I'm lost in loss.

I'll find myself, soon, I know this- but this is a journey I never like to take.