Feb 9, 2012
The Reason I'm a Bartender...for now...
This is my awesome friend Xaine (Go to her site-NOW, you will be astounded by her talent)- an amazing Fiber Artist, super creative and talented in everyway; and-she's having a bad day today...ie: "I can't make it financially, I'm not good enough, I should just give up now, I'll never make it" etc...
I have these days A LOT. They're scary, debilitating and sometimes brings on such a strong wave of depression, I won't even go into the Studio for days. WHY? What happens in our head that makes us do so well for so long and then in the blink of an eye we are so depressed we decide we'll never do anything with our lives and we may as well quit now. I know that when I have a bad night bar-tending or my bills are due, I start thinking " If I wasn't such a crappy artist I wouldn't have to work at the bar" which continues into," I'll never make money, I'm not a real artist, I should quit now, I don't try hard enough"... which sends me into an even further decline of looking online and comparing my work to others work and getting jealous, and wishing and wanting, and not be as good as...which wastes DAYS. At the time I don't see that, but what I SHOULD be doing is CREATING THROUGH IT ALL!
When I start feeling 'less than'- I need to get off my arse and get paint on my hands, or a pencil to some paper, and work through my pain, and self doubts. I have to force my way through that cloud of funk.
As for comparing myself to others- that should be a NO NO in all artists lives. I'm an orange your an apple- hell, usually i'm a cactus...not comparable- yet I do. Finding inspiration from other artists is awesome- being inspired to the point of jealousy or competition is CRAZY. I'll never make art like you- my soul is like a snowflake, a thumbprint...it's unique to me and even if I painted the same picture it would still not look exactly the same because it would have my art soul all over it.
Yeah, so I'm not self employed yet, and I have to work another job to help out...but that should fuel me into wanting to work harder and prove to myself that I AM AN ARTIST! Sometime, part-time, quiet time, all the time... doesn't matter, I'm an Artist and as an ARTIST I have to MAKE. ART is MAKING AND DOING, not the done...not the product, and the more I make, the more options for others there are out there for some one to fall in love with, and want to purchase. I will forever more try to work through my depression instead of marinating in self loathing!!! That's a promise I'm making to me and you!